LIFE GOES ON ...

Sometimes we do things without thinking, then are left to wonder later why we did what we did. Circumstances change & one is left to find a new 'normal' in their life. The Bible sais something about he who puts his hand to the plow & looks back is not fit for the family of God. So I suppose the lesson is that looking backward to our shoulda's, woulda's, coulda's, if's, ands, & buts...serves us no good purpose. That we can't 'undo' what is done. We can only make the most of where we are in the given day.

Sis & I both beat ourselves up a lot about things we've done that have culminated in our mutual present state of living. We both second guess ourselves about what was so bad about the lives we had that we had to go & screw everything all up. But then we both have to realize that had we been at all happy, we wouldn't have made our choices as we did, ending in separation & divorce.

She thinks of Ricky all the time...regretting her actions. I think of Ronnie & just think that 'if only he hadn't drank like he did'. If given half a chance she'd run back to Ricky in a heartbeat, for she still loves him. On my part...I think that I simply miss the financial security. Oh sure. There are certain aspects about Ronnie that I miss. I didn't spend 18 yrs with him not have liked something about him. I have to be careful sometimes to not mentally compare Billy & Ronnie. For the two are nothing alike. I think a part of me does still love Ronnie. But he wouldn't do the most important thing & i couldn't live with it.

The problem I'm seeing in myself these days is being afraid to actually rise up & take charge of my own life. I'm still depending on others, both emotionally & monetarily. Somehow I'm trying to reach deep inside of myself & lean on that serenity prayer. But I'm also afraid that if I 'stretch my wings' I might not make it. I might fall & find myself alone & desparate. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change; the courage to change the things i can; & the wisdom to know the difference." Am I so afraid of self sufficiency? And if so ... why?

So where does Ronnie & Billy play in all this? Ronnie has moved on, with, I hear, a scanky looking woman who looks like she's been rode hard & put up wet. I've moved on with Billy who has some physical problems that are an issue in our relationship. Do I love Billy? Yes I do. But not in the same way I loved Ronnie. Ronnie helped raise my children, was a wonderful provider, good friend, yet ultimately let alcohol destroy what magic there was. Billy has been my heart's first love since the age of 16. Even when I divorced the 2nd time, I had wished to run into him even way back then. Our hearts have sought one another for 30 years. Ours is a different kind of love than I shared with Ronnie.

I lost respect for Ronnie on several levels. I don't know why he let everything get in the way. I miss the way things used to be. I was secure. But people started butting in. Circumstances changed & the wrong things took priority in his perspective. And I fell out of love with him to some degree.

Unlike my sister, I can't say that i would go running back to ronnie if given the chance. a lot....& I do mean a LOT of things would have to change before that were possible. And knowing Ronnie as I do...it will never happen.

But I also can't say that I haven't considered running from Billy either. Uncertainty of the future has a great deal to do with it. this is my 4th relationship. I'm beginning to think something's wrong with me & the choices I'm making in my world. Can't be far from the truth.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for the moment. I'm borrowing Sunny, my friend's gaited palomino, this week & sister & i are going for a long ride up at Lake Hawkins. About a 4 hour ride. I'm looking forward to that a lot. We're going by ourselves, without any men tagging along to drag us down emotionally.

Well that's it for now. Hope ya'lls world is going alright. Take care.

omg i went to the taste of chaos tour. with jess, erin,jen and myself of course...
and aghhhhh it was AMAZINGG !!! senses fail kicked ass.. so didnt mcr and the used...
and like i was there with my 2 best friends erin and jess. and like agh i couldnt pick anyone different to be there with..
THE USED ! omg bert it was his birthday..
hAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BERTTT !!!! lol
he threw the cake and it landed on mad people.. then he asked if anyone would suck his dick for his birthday..
i stood up and was like HELL YEAH ! ahaa

they played -- i caught fire ( in your eyes )..
we all know that was me and my ex's song.. and ahh it got me all upset listining to it..
cause like we all ended on bad terms and it would have been like 10 XXXXX better if like we were still together and went to the concert together... :) but too bad things dont end up the way u want them to...

New updates

- mike and i arent together..
- Jess and i arent friends
- arielle is STILL with adam

Man what else to say thats enough drama right there...

today is me and mikes 14 months well would have been anyways
i made him cry today.. it made me feel good for about 5 mins then i felt bad
oh how that sucks ass

well nighty nite

Install That Entry Door Yourself

Five Steps to a Brand New Door

Door replacement is a task that any homeowner can complete, with basic skills, a few tools and patience. In fact, this can be a wonderful opportunity for the do-it-yourself person to learn a new task and save a bit of money that might otherwise be paid to a professional. The choice of a the correct door design and finish can change the look of a room, attract the visitor to the outside of the home, and also help keep the home airtight.

For basic understanding of this task, there are three types of doors: combination doors (screen/storm); entry doors; and interior doors. Five simple steps can lead the individual through the task of replacing an entry door. As most experienced homeowners know, mastering entry door replacement gives the individual the knowledge to replace interior doors (a simpler version of the entry-door technique).

Replacing a combination door follows the same steps as that for entry doors, but the process can be a bit more complex. Manufacturers generally provide good instructions and suggestions for installing combination storm/screen doors. Following these instructions carefully will usually lead to completion of the project with success (and reduced stress). Professionals at the home improvement center or hardware store can also be an excellent source for tips and suggestions.

But where should the do-it-yourself homeowner begin with installing doors? Here are five basic steps for the process, starting with:

Remove The Old Door

Careful removal of the old door is an important first step. After opening the door, place a wedge under the outer corner to take the weight off the door hinges. Remove the hinge pins and set the door aside. This door can be used as a pattern for trimming the new door if it has not been seriously damaged or if it isn't too badly warped.

Remove Hinge Leaves

The next step is to remove the hinge pieces from the frame. Depending on the desire to use existing hardware, these hinges can be reused or new ones can be substituted. Older hinges can be lightly buffed with fine sandpaper to restore some of the original appearance. Be sure the screws for the new hinges are long enough to reach into the stud behind the door frame.

Trim New Door

It would be wise to use the old door as a pattern for the new one. The alternative is to measure the door opening and allow a 1/8" bottom clearance as well as a 1/16" top and side clearance. The bottom clearance for a carpeted floor will probably have to be 3/4". Trim and plane door as necessary, using a fine-tooth saw and good plane.

Prepare New Door For Hinges

New areas must be carved out so the hinge blades can fit smoothly into the frame and door. Using the old door can help with proper location of hinges. A pencil outline of the hinge is essential for cutting this depression in the wood. Carefully chisel out the wood, with several cuts to the depth of the hinge leaf.

Interior Design-Feng Shui Values

Feng Shui is not a decorating style, nor a collection of ornaments for an interior design project. Feng Shui is an art, or a discipline that involves complex elements: religion, philosophy, astrology, aesthetics, mathematics and a "little something" called the "chi" (a person's inner energy or "cosmic breath"). Translated literally Feng Shui means "wind-water" and is the art of achieving harmony not only for living spaces, but also for day-to-day living and life. Feng Shui takes its inspiration from the natural environment.

In the traditional Chinese thinking, nature is balance and harmony. By following the patterns of nature the Feng Shui practitioner can achieve this balance in his/her home and in his/her life. While in China Feng Shui is a discipline, in the Western world this is just an interior design technique, with more or less clear rules and unambiguous patterns. The main concept of Feng Shui designs is based on "wind", "water" and nature's "chi". This is why Feng Shui practitioners will focus their decoration patterns on aligning the elements to follow the natural flow of nature. For example, among the guidelines for proper Feng Shui designs, decorators should avoid clutter, straight lines and sharp corners. Clutter is supposed to create a "bad energy" and shift the focus from harmony to chaos, straight lines are associated with the paths followed by evil spirits and sharp corners tend to attract dirt (cobwebs, dust, etc).

In the western world, the religious beliefs of Feng Shui don't matter. Interior designers don't use crystals, Feng Shui water fountains and mirrors because of their supernatural abilities, but as mood boosters. Planning a working space (office) so that the worker faces the entrance has a logical explanation: no one likes to be distraught by unexpected visitors. Feng Shui decorators use colors, light, water and even music and sound to attain a space that contains a strong positive energy. For example bedrooms should be always free of bad "chi". When the energy in a bedroom is hostile it may cause problems within the couple. A messy room has a bad "chi". Clothes or other items scattered around the bedroom create clutter. Dirty windows increase the bad "chi". Lack of fresh air it's even worse. Believe it or not, these are basic principles of the Feng Shui as much as they are common sense aspects.

Out of the all rooms in a home, the kitchen is the most sensible to bad "chi". Smells are important for a good "chi". The kitchen has often not so pleasant smells, especially when cooking. Although for the senses a steak's aroma is delightful for a short time, how would you feel to breathe each day an air that smells like meat? You'll lose appetite. So it is important for a kitchen needs to be permanently clean, free from garbage and broken plates and cups, aerated on regular basis and neat. The predominant smells in the kitchen should be related to fresh fruits of herbs. While the art of Feng Shui takes a lifetime to perfect, its basic concepts should be followed in each interior design project: harmony, tidiness, cleanness and freshness.